Thanks, Ruka
by OneDream 2Dream
Summary: While attending the funeral of a friend, Mikan learns that every cloud has a silver lining. AU. For the TR Post-Valentine's Contest.


**Title: Thanks, Ruka**

**Pairing: Natsume and Mikan**

**Inspiration: The guideline for the TR Post-Valentine's Contest- base it on a quote (found on TR forum), include a character's obsession for a food or drink and include a character ending up in an embarrassing situation due to clumsiness. **

**Disclaimer: I'm sitting home cheering on the USA; therefore, I am not Japanese and do not own GA.**

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People remember the dead more than they remember the living. It's happened for hundreds of years, from the artist whose paintings were never bought until he kicked the bucket and the writer whose works never saw the light of day until he was out of it.

I watch as people mill around the church, talking softly with each other and smiling about bizarre memories with the deceased. People walk one by one up to the coffin, whispering (or pretending to whisper) "kind" and "reassuring" words. They're cheesy, stupid things like "Oh, I'll never forget you" and "I'm going to be a better person because of you". Yeah, right.

I'm sorry, mind reader or whatever you are, for the annoyed crap that is spinning through my head right now. I'm normally more cheerful than this, but as you can see, I'm at a funeral. I feel as though my thoughts can be excused. Anyways, the name's Mikan Sakura. I'm twenty-three. Ready to get out of my head now?

No? Well then, don't be offended by anything I think. It's your fault you won't leave.

"Mikan," Hotaru greets softly, the church lights dancing on her dark hair. She looks as if she's going to say something, but glances at my hand and points. "What is that?" she questions.

I glance at the crumpled bag of cheese puffs. "Cheese Puffs," I state, shifting them from hand to hand.

She gives me a bizarre look. "Why do you have those?"

I give a small laugh. "When we were dating, he was obsessed with this stuff. Ate it for every snack and never seemed to get sick of it. When we broke up, I sure was." I shake my head at the memory and stand up. "I'm going to give it to him. It's kind of a symbol; if I can remember his favourite food from eleven years ago, I'll be able to remember him in the future."

My best friend looks at me for a moment, stuck between a reassuring half-smile and rolling her eyes. Finally, she settles on a neutral look, mumbles something about my symbol not being one (Hey, it totally was), and says, "It's too bad you lost both of your boyfriends this year, huh?"

It's time to explain something to you, dear people in my head who won't leave. I've had two real boyfriends in my life, and yes, one was Ruka and yes, I am at his funeral. The other was named Natsume. No, he's not dead, although most people thought he would be by now. At the beginning of the year, he broke up with me and disappeared.

Anyways, Ruka and I lasted two months when we were 12 and Natsume and I dated from age 14 to this year. Since then, I had a few boyfriends who only lasted for about a week, so I do not consider them real boyfriends.

I focus back on Hotaru, attempt a smile and nod. "Yeah. Both of my exes are gone now." When Ruka and I broke up, the feeling was mutual. We both didn't feel much for each other, but became close friends after. And he was best friends with Natsume, whom I began to develop feelings for shortly after I became single again.

My feelings for Natsume are much different than what Ruka and I had. With Ruka, we were more friends than anything else. I didn't want to kiss him or anything like that and he was more cute than hot.

Being with Natsume felt nothing like being with Ruka. When I was around him, I felt self-conscious and somewhat confused, but was jealous if he was around anyone but me. I found myself seeing the good in him rather than the bad I had seen at first. I wanted to do anything I could to help him. Most times, I always wanted to be with him, including kissing and stuff like that. Which we did do a lot of. If only I could just see him again, wrap my arms around him and press my lips to-

Oh god, you're still here in my mind, aren't you? Don't hold me against it. This is kind of what it's like to be in love. Once you start thinking about them, you just can't stop. It's a bit like a disease. It's terrible and it sucks, yet it's wonderful as well.

At times like this, it's just a pain. I mean, I'm thinking about missing Natsume during my ex/close friend's funeral. That can't be good.

"Mikan, do you want to go up now? The line is shorter," Hotaru mentions, pointing at the crowd of mourners.

The line has gone down since the last time I've checked, leading me to believe I'll only have to stand in line for about fifteen minutes. That's good. I give Hotaru a quick hug that she chooses not to return and walk over, my dark heels clacking on the floor with each step.

My mind moves slowly back to Hotaru's somewhat strange comment of "You lost both of your boyfriends". Natsume wasn't gone, right? He just disappeared and never contacted me again. I just lost him. Funny thing is, I've never been able to figure out why. I've gone through his apartment (I have a key), and checked social networking sites for any sign of him.

He's nowhere. But reminders of him are everywhere. They're in my house. They're in my car, at my workplace, and in random buildings we've stopped at. I try to block out the feelings, but now that I'm remembering everything I feel depressed again.

It's probably because I'm in that type of mood. I have so many memories of the three of us together as well. Pictures of us float through my head; there's memories from school, from hanging out and watching movies, from graduating, and from, of course, eating cheese puffs.

I glance down at the bag, making sure it's still there. It is, although it's quite crinkled. I then look up, noticing how close I am to the front of the line.

Crap. I've been thinking about Natsume again. I guess I just can't help it. It's so frustrating. I try not to think of him. I focus my attention on a random guy, noticing his haircut. It reminds me of-

This will never work. Damn you, Natsume.

I look ahead, seeing that there's only one person in front of me. Thankfully. I try to prevent the tears filling my eyes from spilling. This will be the last time I'll see Ruka again unless heaven exists, which I'm not sure if I believe in.

That's not what I need to be thinking about. I watch the person in front of me leave as salty water makes its mark on my cheek. They're gone. The tears start to blur my vision, but I still walk forward.

I step up to see my friend, but feel something blocking my heel. Frustrated, I pull myself forward towards the coffin and hear a snapping noise. Suddenly, I fly through the air until I land on something hard in some spots and soft in others.

So I look down.

And notice I've landed right on top of Ruka, pulling his dead body over with me. Pain swirls through my foot as my ankle rolls. I'll going to crash and pull everything down the stairs if I don't do something.

A pair of arms snake their way around me, preventing me from falling. People all around the room stare at me, faces ranging from appalled to laughing. My cheeks heat as I curse my clumsiness. And to top it all off, I'm still carrying the bag of cheese puffs. Mortified, I throw it at the coffin and turn to run.

But I can't. The arms are still holding me.

I'm about to yell at this random man when I recognize the hold he has on me. I recognize the face, the arms, the breath on my neck. Turning around, I see the man I haven't seen in months.

It's Natsume.

I feel my breath quicken along with my heart as the feelings I've loved so much come back, swirling through my body like hot chocolate on a cold day. We're close, close enough that he could reach down and kiss me like he always would, his hands intertwined in my hair. I really, really could f-

And you all are still here. Awkward.

He scrambles back, apparently noticing how long the two of us have been somewhat embracing. I immediately long for his warmth.

My ex-boyfriend runs a hair through his hair. "So, I see your underpants don't match the occasion. Still," he states calmly, as if he hasn't just reappeared again after a seven month long absence.

Quickly, I pull him over to the side and out of the watchful eyes of the crowd, flashing a weak smile at the church workers righting the funeral. It's hard to walk, seeing as I'm missing a heel and my gait is very, very off.

Once we're in a hallway, I resist the urge to slap him senseless and/or kiss him. Somehow, I choose the sensible route of asking, "What are you doing here?"

I look into his eyes and, whoops, that was a bad idea. They're still intoxicating like wine; however, I might see some nervousness in them. "My best friend died. I came to see him. Is that so wrong?" Natsume states calmly, meeting my gaze.

This time, my self-control falters and I do slap him. "You come back out of the blue to see your best friend but- but you can just leave me and not tell me when you're coming back?" I whisper-yell, not hoping to draw a crowd.

"Yes. Now if you'd excuse me, I need to get going."

I should let him walk away. I deserve better than him. I deserve to be happy and have someone who's there for me. He can walk out of my life again and I'm not going to care. Sadly, that's not how love works.

I grab his arm, angrily. "Just tell me where you're going," I plead, surprised at the desperation in my voice. "Just tell me how to contact you and you can go."

"You can't control me," he says, weakly. He almost- looks upset?

"I need you," slips out of my mouth on a whim. I mentally curse myself, frustrated at the way my cheeks grow hot and how my body responds. "You can't slip out of my life again."

He stops, a forced exhale echoing through the hall. Then Natsume turns around. "I broke up with you, remember? I don't care." He's cold. Colder than normal. Painfully cold.

Tears stream down my cheeks. Damn. I hate him. I hate how he makes me feel. But I love him. I'm such an idiot. "I love you," I choke out, turning to run off. He can't see me like this. He can't.

Yet his hand is wrapped around mine, pulling me back towards him. His face softens as he pulls me against him and tilts my head up towards his. Tears flow down my face still, so he brushes one away with the pad of his finger. "Stupid," he mutters, pushing his lips onto mine.

It's electrifying and filled with sorrow and hot and passionate and wow, he's just as good at this as I remembered and oh wow, what is he doing with his-

Sorry, people. I warned you to get out of my head.

All too soon, he breaks away, leaving me breathless and shocked. I don't think I'm crying anymore, yet I know my eyes are going to be puffy and my make-up probably ran. But the way he's looking at me makes me forget that- wait, what was I saying?

"Natsume," I whisper, but his lips are on me once more for a brief kiss.

He gives me the slightest of smiles, eyes warm like the sun. "I love you, too. You know that."

We pull away, still attached at the hand. He tries to school his features, looks away and grits his teeth, knowing what I'll say.

"Then why did you leave?"

"Do you think I wanted to leave you?" he growls, taking a deep breath. "I had to protect you. People-people from the academy-" he swears and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"They were coming after you, okay? So I went after them." He states, swearing once more and shaking his head.

My stomach flutters at the gesture, but my head wants to argue. Fear creeps through my blood like a spider. "They're in jail, aren't they?" I hiss, annoyed.

I should explain. When we were younger, Alice, the government-owned academy that both of us went to, had many issues. The Elementary School Principal abused children in order to turn them into criminals. It was a terrifying time; both Natsume and I were children involved with them.

When we were fifteen, the ESP and his supporters were arrested for child abuse and various other criminal charges. They're still in jail, and will be for a while. The children were never arrested, thankfully.

He takes a long breath and grits his teeth again. "There are new people following in their footsteps. They were trying to recruit you to train the younger victims," Natsume huffs, laughing harshly.

"I wouldn't have followed him," I state stubbornly, but I know my options are follow or be killed. "But I don't believe them. Nobody's stupid to start another group like that at Alice." The government kept a very close watch on the school after it made them look bad.

He shakes his head. "Not at Alice. Another school. The one Ruka and I attended before Alice. When he was killed, god, I was so sure it was because of them," his voice cracks and he looks away from my fierce gaze. "But no. Surprisingly, it was just a drunk driver. An accident."

I can tell he still seems skeptical, but I say nothing on the subject. Then I remember what Natsume has just told me. "They wanted me?" I whisper, the terror of being a part of that group filling me again. I wasn't even there that long, only two years or so. Natsume was there for seven.

He gives me a sorry glance. "They said you were just like your mother," he responds, watching my facial expressions change. My mother was involved with the group too. She ran away, had me, and then ended up getting herself killed. Apparently, she was very good at stealing. I feel something hot burn in the corner of my eyes. Why the hell am I so emotional today?

He nods at me, reassuringly. "He's pretty much out of there, now. The government is looking into him."

And the urge to scream comes back. "Then why are you going to leave me?"

"Don't you get it? There's more than one person trying to do what that man was doing. There's other people out there trying to hurt you. And they know all about you," he screams, running a hand through his hair in a frustrated fashion.

I yell back. "And this is all hypothetical? You're leaving me for a hypothetical?"

"I owe it to our classmates who died under the ESP's reign. I owe it to you. I can't let you go through that again. I can't lose you. If you died-" he looks up into my eyes then swallows and looks away. "I don't know what I'd do. I love you that much," he finishes, breathing heavily.

My mouth won't form words. I know deep inside me what he did was wrong, but the logic behind it- I can't argue with that. He did promise me that he'd do whatever he could to keep me and anyone else from going through that. I walk over to him, eyes damp.

"Please, just don't leave me," I tell him, wrapping my arms around him. Sometime during our fight we had stopped holding hands.

He hugs me back, his face in my hair. "What do you want me to do? Sit back and watch it happen?" he asks, his tone softer.

I sigh. "If you keep going, you're going to get killed," I state, trying to calm my breathing. "Let the government take care of it. They look for these things now."

"And how does that protect you?"

"You can protect me," I whisper, looking up into his eyes. "You can do it."

He kisses the top of my head. "I won't stop looking for them. I can't. But I won't leave you alone this time."

For the first time today, hell, since when I found out Ruka was dead, I give a huge smile. "I can work with that," I tease, and he gives me a nod of agreement.

"Do you want to go back to see Ruka? Neither of us got to say anything to him," he asks, releasing me and walking towards the door.

I nod and run after him, taking off both of my heels and looking at the broken one. Oh well. A broken heel was a small price to pay for Natsume.

By the time we get out there, most people are starting to leave. Hotaru is gone, as are the rest of my friends. There's only a few people standing in line, who I recognize to be his co-workers. The two of us wait silently and somewhat awkwardly before reaching the front. I let him go first, and he mutters something, waves goodbye, and walks off.

I walk up carefully this time and look at Ruka's pale face. "Thank you, Ruka," I start, smiling. "If it weren't for you, I don't think Natsume and I would have found each other again. I'll remember that. And your love of cheese puffs."

And yeah, it sounds very hypocritical now that I think of it, but I know I'll always remember Ruka for helping me and Natsume. It took his death to see how stupid we were, and I'll think of him every time I see Natsume because of that.

I wave goodbye to Ruka and walk over to my boyfriend, giving him a small smile. "You want to go back to my place and catch up? Talk?" I ask, holding out my hand.

He gives me a suggestive eyebrow raise and rakes his eyes over my body. My insides twist with delight and I give him a look. "Talk? I'm not good at that," he responds.

I trail my finger up his arm. "Well, maybe we could catch up without talking," I suggest, nervous. I don't usually do... well, this. But I'm feeling like I've been lacking in that department.

"Of course," he responds, leading me off to my apartment. I can only imagine how make-up-

Oh my god! You're still here? Go away. Shoo. I'd rather you not hear about this.

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**Author's Note: I'm really on the wire submitting this. I spent a decently long time editing this/watching the Olympics! Go team! I love watching these types of sporting events, where they just go on forever and ever. I was going to go this year, but no. I didn't.**

**Enough random rambling. I hope you all understood this (really long) story and liked it. **


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